<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Time Tables by transgorgug</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24184411">Time Tables</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgorgug/pseuds/transgorgug'>transgorgug</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Doomed Timelines, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Temporary Character Death, Timelines, amazing. i dont know how to fucking write., based off of benrays all the timelines are merging together comment, this is probs rlly ooc but what eva</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:48:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24184411</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgorgug/pseuds/transgorgug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benray confesses to Gordon. Again and again and again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benray/Gordon Feetman, Benray/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Time Tables</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, I wrote this in like. a couple of hours and It really shows.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You see him walking through the halls of Black Mesa and shadow him stopping when he gets to the entrance of the testing area you go up to him a familiar quip about passports on your tongue.</p><p>You've done this before and you know how it ends.</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>"What? I don't even know you" He says back eyebrows furrowed "Quit fucking around I have a job to do"</p><p>You don't follow him as he walks away.</p><p>You hear the news later though an unfortunate accident that happened during HEV suit testing.</p><p>"Such a shame" A scientist next to you sighs fiddling with a pile of papers "I heard he was a brilliant scientist with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics"</p><p>You don't reply instead opting to lean against the wall something in the back of your head tells you this would be over soon.</p><p>---</p><p>you're in a small apartment. You think it's yours. It could be his. Either way, you don't remember how you got here.</p><p>You turn your attention to the tv screen and the controller in your hands instinctively you begin playing again catching yourself before you slid off the track.</p><p>"You ok? You kinda dozed off for a bit" He asks </p><p>You look at him. He isn't wearing his HEV suit anymore but instead, he's wearing an oversized shirt his hair is in a messy ponytail and you can see multiple scars raking his arms and face</p><p>He looks at you with a concerned glance his face illuminated softly by the blue light you can see freckles lightly dotting his skin if you squint hard enough</p><p>You quickly turn away before he catches you staring.</p><p>"I'm fine" You answer quickly catching up to him "It happens"</p><p>He shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the game his face showing nothing but focus</p><p>"You're so shit at this bro" You laugh bumping his kart off the race track and continuing with the race</p><p>You continue to play in silence the only sound coming from the tv screen.</p><p>"Fuck you" He scowls mashing all the buttons on his controller "Why the fuck did you pick Rainbow road"</p><p>You cross the finish line ending the game you abruptly notice how close he is to you thigh pressing against yours his shoulder bumping next to yours whenever he uses his controller</p><p>"That was fun" You smile feeling yourself blush</p><p>But his face suddenly slackens and his gaze looks far off he quickly shakes his head before looking you in your eyes</p><p>"Gordon?" You whisper reaching out to pat his shoulder "Are you there?"</p><p>"Hello Benray" He smiles back</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>"SHUT UP I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!" He spits</p><p>You're in a hallway back in Black Mesa you can hear the sparks of electrical wire and the sound of aliens screeching in the distance</p><p>His eyes are constricted and his body heaves every time he breaths his face is contorted in pure anger.</p><p>"What- Where? Gordon!" You snap back at him</p><p>"You've known. You've always known. About- About THIS" He waves his arms around gesturing to the crumbling facility</p><p>"Gordon." You try and answer back but your voice cracks and you have nothing to say.</p><p>"HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW!" He snarls shoving you into the wall</p><p>"I'm sorry" </p><p>You already know how this is going to end.</p><p>He laughs. It's a bitter sound. you don't say anything when his gun revs up and you don't say anything when the bullets hit your body spraying your blood everywhere.</p><p>---</p><p>A loud blast rips through the sky you cover your eyes as multiple explosions happen all around you. Your ears ring and everything is so loud and it hurts. Everything hurts.</p><p>And then there's just silence. Your eyes are still closed as you begin to hyperventilate. This is the end, right? It's going to happen all over again and again and again. There isn't anything you can do to stop it.</p><p>But you realize that you aren't dead you lower your arms blinking tears out of your eyes you can see the rest of the science team high fiving and congratulating each other.</p><p>"We did it!" Doctor Coomer yells punching the air with his fist breaking the silence</p><p>"We can finally go back home!" Doctor Tommy laughs waving his gun in the air</p><p>"Yeah, we did it huh?" He shakily laughs running his hands through his hair "Were finally getting out of this fucking nightmare?"</p><p>"And we couldn't have done it without Benrey!!!" Doctor Bubby says punching your shoulder</p><p>"Yeah!!! The way you swopped in at the last second!! Saving all of us!!" Tommy excitedly recalls</p><p>"We would probably all be dead if it weren't for you!!" Bubby interjects</p><p>"Yeah. Thanks for the help" He says. slinging an arm around your shoulder "Guess I may have been wrong about you?"</p><p>"No big deal" You blush shoving his arm off of you</p><p>There's a warmth in your stomach as you stand back and watch them all celebrate.</p><p>But it's quickly cut through with the cold realization that this is all wrong. You know it doesn't end this way.</p><p>This probably isn't even the first time you've watched them all celebrate their false victory but it's nice to believe for a minute.</p><p>---</p><p>Your standing in a dimly lit corridor. Gordon is sitting on the bloodied floor you look down on his pitiful form and it hurts you wish you could help him but you know it isn't real. it wouldnt feel real for him.</p><p>"You won't leave me." He sobs bringing his knees to his chest his form glitching and warping in and out of reality</p><p>"Will you... ?" He shakily cries tears streaking down his face he looks up at you</p><p>"I won't" You sit down next to him</p><p>He reaches out and squeezes your hand. You don't feel anything.</p><p>You both sit watching the void crumble around you.</p><p>---</p><p>"I love you"</p><p>"I know. I've always known" Gordon says back fondly "You aren't very discreet"</p><p>You reach out and hold his hand watching the sun dip down painting the sky purple.</p><p>"None of this is real is it?" He says looking up at the blinking stars a cool breeze drifts across the plain mussing his hair</p><p>"I wish it was. I wish it was" You sigh and squeeze his hand tighter</p><p>The stars seem dimmer and the sky seems darker.</p><p>---</p><p>"Oh fuck" He hisses arms stretched out at his sides as he tries to balance himself on the slowly sinking barrel</p><p>You grab him before he falls into the green slime and yank him closer to you helping reach the other side</p><p>"Thanks" He mutters brushing you off</p><p>"What do you want" You blurt out</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"What do. You want to do when you get out?" You ask.</p><p>You already know the answer. You've asked this question many times before and you ask it again and again because you like the way Gordon fondly looks when he talks about his past.</p><p>"What I want? Well I guess-" He starts confused</p><p>There a large crash that interrupted him and you can hear yells coming from where ever the science team had wandered off.</p><p>Gordon sighs his shoulder sagging as he pulls out his pistol warily heading toward the sound of bullets hitting alien flesh.</p><p>You follow him ready to fight.</p><p>---<br/>
Gordon yells his gun firing with all his might steam coming off of it as it overheated mid-battle.</p><p>The bullets pierce your skin but you don't feel anything knowing that the wounds would quickly heal up.</p><p>The scientist. Your so-called friends fight along with him the sound of their voices and the guns blasting is starting to overwhelm you.</p><p>Dr. Tommy raises his pistol firing it blindly you swat at him sending him flying across the other side of the room.</p><p>"WHY WON'T YOU DIE" You hear Gordon cry over the sound of the battle he shakes his prosthetic hand blowing the steam off of it before sending another round of bullets into your side</p><p>---</p><p>You wake up to the sound of crying. You rollover stuffing your head under pillows to block out the sound.</p><p>"Gordon your cringe baby is crying," You say to him your voice muffled</p><p>You hear him groan and punch your back knocking the air out of your lungs</p><p>"Don't call my son cringe???" You feel the weight of the bed shift as he rolls off heading to his son's room</p><p>You wheeze throwing the blankets and pillows off of yourself.</p><p>Golden sunlight filters through the room the rays catching drifting dust from the weeks in Black Mesa.</p><p>You get up and stretch and follow Gordon through the doorway.</p><p>You can hear him talking to his son in his weird baby voice you lean against the doorway as he comes out of the room rocking the baby in his arms.</p><p>You watch him for a minute but it feels stretched out. You think you could watch him playing with his baby for years He catches you staring.</p><p>"Do you want to hold him?" He asks</p><p>"Are you sure?" You answer back you nervously scratch the back of your neck "Do you trust me?"</p><p>"I trust you" He nods searching your face you don't know what he's looking for</p><p>"Fine" You reach out to hold the baby</p><p>Gordon stands next to you and teaches you how to hold him trying to hold back chuckles as the baby coos and squirms reaching out to grab your nose.</p><p>You gently start rocking the baby you find yourself copying Gorden's stupid voice as you babble back to the baby.</p><p>You let yourself believe for a moment. That this is real. That this would last. That you wouldn't wake up again in Black Mesa following Gordon into the test chambers.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>